Getting the most from therapy: My Tips

Before I first started going to therapy, I had no idea what to expect. I had seen therapy sessions in TV shows and had a feeling that the typical 'lying on a couch' impression that TV shows give wasn't a very accurate depiction, but apart from that, I had no idea what to expect.

I've now been in and out of therapy for about 3 years and I've picked up a few tips along the way that I wish I had known before I started. I've put these together in this post but I should say from the outset that I'm not a therapist of any kind and these are just based on my experiences. You may find that your experience is totally different.

1. Be honest, don't hold back
I find it best to leave nothing unsaid in my therapy sessions. Admittedly, I've said things in sessions that I can't believe I've actually said aloud and I've sometimes been a little embarrassed afterwards but I've always been glad that I did it.
I've been in therapy more than once and I've always been mostly honest but until my current bout of therapy, I always gave in to the niggling doubt that I should hold certain things back. The only thing that came from that was me leaving sessions thinking 'I wish I'd said x/y/z'.
As a general rule, if something pops into my head and I think 'Oh, I can't say that in my session', that's a sure fire sign that it's something I should be saying - sure, it may end up being completely insignificant and maybe you'll feel a little silly for saying it but it just might be something that needs to be addressed. You never know what little thing will make a difference to your treatment.

2. Speak up if you're not being understood
Remember that although your therapist has been trained etc., they're not you and they won't always understand what you mean. Even if your therapist has experienced the same issues as you, their feelings and experiences may not be the same as yours.
As such, if you feel your therapist isn't grasping what you're saying or feeling, don't be afraid to speak up. Obviously, do it politely and respectfully - your therapist is trying to help you and they want to understand. Allowing them to continue with their mistaken understanding is not going to help you.
If (like me), you're not a particularly assertive person, this won't be easy at first but it's just so important. If your therapist things you mean one thing but you actually mean another, then they're not going to be addressing the heart of your issue. A dialogue between you and your therapist is essential.

3. Be prepared/realistic
To someone who has never been for therapy before, I would say to forget any preconceived ideas you have. This may be true of some therapy providers but in my experience, it's not going to be a cheery hour where you have a cup of tea and a chat. 

You only have so much time with your therapist in each session so it's likely to be quite intense, which may take some getting used to. 
That said, once you do get used to it, you may actually come to enjoy your sessions!

You may also find that your sessions uncover additional, possible suppressed issues that you hadn't given much thought to before. That can be difficult and overwhelming but if that happens, I find it best to try to accept it and be glad that it's been uncovered now so I can deal with it, rather than festering beneath the surface and possibly getting worse. The longer it stays suppressed, the worse it will get.

Your therapist may "challenge" you on things you say but it's not as confrontational as it sounds - I like to think of it as the therapist playing devil's advocate and trying to remain as neutral as they can. For example, if you talk about why you can't do something, your therapist may suggest reasons why you might be wrong. At first, I found this quite aggravating and I got quite defensive because it's not something I'm used to but in time, I came to see that it was actually beneficial.
Essentially, your therapist isn't going to spend your sessions constantly telling you that you're wrong but they're also not going to mollycoddle you - if you're saying something that they think is making excuses or avoidance etc., they're likely to (kindly!) call you on it. (At the same time though, see tip 2 - if they're calling you on something and you don't agree, don't be afraid to tell them that you don't agree and why.)

4. Try not to miss sessions if you can
If you miss too many sessions in a row, you're likely to lose momentum. There will always be times when you're ill, on holiday or something unexpected happens which is fine.
My sessions are weekly and I find that if I miss more than 1 session (which has happened), I find it really hard to go back.
That being said, if you're at therapy for a prolonged time then a break can be beneficial just to give you a chance to rest your mind. That's something you should discuss with your therapist and agree how long the break should be.

5. Do your homework
I've only ever had CBT so I can't speak for other types of therapy but I've always been given homework of some kind, e.g. keeping a diary, reading certain literature on my condition, completing activities.
This might seem cumbersome and annoying but it is important - there's only so much that you can be done in a session so you have to do some extra work between sessions to keep your progress going. It's not homework for homework's sake - there is a point to it, so do your best to complete it.

6. Be patient, this may take time
Depending on the severity of what led you to therapy, there is no quick fix. This process will take a lot of work on your behalf and may take longer than you would like.
I don't say that to put you off but when I first when to therapy, I expected to have some kind of revelation that was going to solve all of my problems. Needless to say, that didn't happen!
You need to give yourself time to understand your condition and put into practice what your therapist teaches you.
Your progress is also likely to come in spurts - some weeks you may be making big strides and other weeks you may feel like you're stuck or that you've even slipped back a little. In my experience, that's normal. Life happens between sessions and sometimes life will affect your progress but my advice would be to acknowledge and accept it, then focus on how you're going to get your progress moving again.
 
Like most things in life, everyone reacts differently and recovers at a different pace. Try not to compare yourself to others - this will take as long as it takes.

7. Have a treat afterwards
Lastly, it may seem trivial but I like to give myself a treat or do something I enjoy after therapy. This could be anything that you like - doing a certain activity, eating your favourite food etc.
Some sessions will be hard, you may find yourself talking about things that are difficult for you. I think it's important to have something to look forward to after your session so that it doesn't become something you dread.
You deserve a treat for being brave in opening up and for all your hard work!


I hope that this is helpful for both people who are just starting therapy and those already attending therapy.
You may find that not everything I've said applies to you or you may not agree with it - a piece of advice I've always been given in therapy is to take what you need and leave the rest!

If anyone else has any tips for getting the most out of therapy, please leave them in the comments - I'm always on the lookout for more tips for myself!

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